I hope your happy.

tell me that you love me,
tell me that you need me,
or tell me you don't want me
and turn around and leave me

doubts and dellusions

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe

Reality check.

i'v come to terms with my life atm that i have grown for the better and for worse, and along the way i have made many mistakes some that i will regret and some that have show me my own and others true colours.
I am also realising i am possibly not who i think i am, or am expreessing the way i feel to others correctly as i have gathered from those around me perceptions. Sometimes i wish i could watch my life over on a video and try to fast forward or rewind and even pause my life to try and pinpoint were i have
gone wrong. The absence of those special few in my life has been quite evident latley and has been bugging me more and more each day,realising that they have moved on without you is something i don't want to face right now and is making me into someone i don't want to be, someone who is frustrated at everything and everyone around them and is therfor straining my realtionships with those i have left. I have began to drift of somewhere else, somewhere on my own, a quiet place where i can hide away from my fears and worries. My lack of perception amuses me and i end up doing stupid and out of character things just to waste time and space.
I try to live in dreams, the light at the end of my tunnel is closing, and realty is becoming more unreachable for my mind to grasp, i don't know what i am so afraid of exposing, its most likely the same thing that got me here in the first place. god i sound emo.

Rehab.

After deciding that venting my feelings through myspace bullitins gained me some not so happy comments, i stopped a while ago. But atm i find myself on my own in Qld with alot of thoughts and nowhere to really express them, and after cotemplating it for a while i decided upon this, siging up to a blogger website.Why not? i'll give it a try and if it helps me get frustration and other emotions out then mayb it could be useful. So here i am you will have to forgive me if i am a little slow grasping on to some things but with time i will get better...this will be my way out. This will keep me sane.