if you knew...

"If i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

usually when things have gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do " -Peter Bjorn and John

"sick of bitches hawkin"

"I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?

Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies

I reach my peak, I can't speak,

Call My Nigga Cheek, tell him that my will is weak

I'm sick of niggaz lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin'

Matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'" -Notorious BIG

but naww you wouldn't understand would you.

get over it.

Tattoo.

I want a tattoo what of I'm not 100% sure of what?all i know is i want one and i have for a while now.My most desired places for them at the current moment are at the back of my neck, foot, wrist, under my right boob or somewhere on my rib cage but i still haven't decided for sure yet. I am going to make sure that what ever i have is something i am comfortable to live with for a life time and when I'm 55 can look at and still smile. It must means something to me there for i will look into each tattoo i want thoroughly and research until I'm sure.

tatoos's i am considering will be numbered on this:)

1.Diamond In The Rough.

I was watching Aladdin the other day with my 5 year old cousin, a movie i had not seen in a while but defiantly one of my favourite childhood movies, as i watched it i must say it was honestly one of the best films i had watched in a while and made me feel quite happy.

The saying in the movie "diamond in the rough" also left me interested.

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH:

"Someone who is good hearted but lacking social graces and respect for the law, this term is often used to describe people on the edge of the criminal fraternity even though they may not commit serious crimes themselves, they probably know people who do"

"Someone (or something) that has hidden exceptional characteristics and/or future potential, but currently lack the final touches, that would make them (or it) truly stand out in the crowd"

This phrase is metaphorical and relates to the fact that naturally occurring diamond are quite ordinary at first glance, and their true beauty as jewels is only realised through the cutting and polishing process, especially those who have the potential to become high quality jewels it is more commonly expressed as "Rough Diamond".

Dreamers Disease.

2am Brisbane time=3am Sydney time.

Either way once again i find myself going to seep in the morning. Last time i slept at "night" i honestly do not remember...

For 4 months now i haven't been able to sleep properly, not that i have always been a good sleeper anyway, but before it wasn't the getting to sleep part it was staying asleep now its just the fact of not being able to sleep period.

4 months... Probably just about the same time as it ended any connection? Highly possible i guess yer..

or is it something else? Sometimes i am afraid to fall asleep i think, because my dreams can be misleading, they can trick you into think everything is back to normal again or completely opposite they are farrrrrr from normal.

Then you wake up and you are back to reality and at this point you are either somewhat relieved as you have escaped...maybe a nightmare? or something that was to intense for you to go along with? or you are left feeling kind of stranded... as once again you have woken up from YOUR dreams. and sometimes when we wake up we don't like it at all, we have to get up and spend another day doing nothing or what feels like nothing as "this" what we call life no longer excited you or motivates you and all you want to do is sleep and dream away and escape from everything that is reality but that's all kind of hard when you can't fall asleep and by the time you eventually do fall asleep you have to wake up again and the cycle goes on and on and till eventually you do not know rhe difference beetween whats right & whats real...WAKE UP KIDS! we got the dreamers disease.

don't let go...

and...

another one BITES THE DUST!

Wishfull Thinking.

Quit while im ahead , thats what i'll now be doing.

I've never really been down with all this chasing buisness and i plan to keep it that way

You gave me a little bit of a taste of what i thought was "something" that is about you and that there was something about you that i mite have been intested in or that i was puzzled by. But as far as im concerned this puzzle being you and your thoughts is one i am really not bothered to put together. Mind games are so very outdated at this stage in my life.

I'm pretty sure board games are called that for a reason becausee they are BORINGGG!

Guess thats what you get for wishfull thinking.

Another Face.

"With every day that goes by another friend becomes just another face in the crowd. "

What Now.

New Years Eve.

The last day upon which the year will end.
The last day to finish unfinished buisness.
The last day pig out like a Obese 30 year old man before the new diet kicks in.
The last day to end old love.
The day to remember and forget but never regret.





Because tomorrow brings a FRESH start. A new beging, A new end. New goals. New love. New Friendships. New adventures. New discoveries. New treasures and most importantly New memories...

Flirt.

You're a flirt. You're a tease

.

Try to get me on my knees.

But no no no

You! can't catch me, I'm as fast as can be.

I'm two steps ahead of you and one step behind.

Watch where your going because i'll make you loose your mind.

I'll show you how hard it can be...

if it really is

ONLY me.

i HEART.

at the moment ...

gold chains.black bags.acrylic nails and assorted nailpolish colours. classic air maxes. boots.imitation converse high tops. shades. cut tshirts. highwaisted shorts. high buns. peach blush. nude lips. tattoos. piercings. nike. tan. simple dresses. florals. patterned shirts

and always vintage

Moments.

just like these...

Nothing Else Matters

Am i starting to forget?
am i just beging to realise?
or have i found something new to waste my time on.
I'm not quite sure of myself right now and it's hard to trust my feelings as they are constantly changing.
I'm just going with it so whatever happens happens.
For now nothing else matters.

get a grip.

"I wake up everyday it’s a daydream Everythin in my life isn’t what it seems I wake up just to go back to sleep I act real shallow but I’m in to deep Everybody says I got to get a grip But i let insanity give me the slip.But i just think im free.im just trying to live my life

....nothing crazy bout me"

but me and you...

"I was so wrong for so long
Only tryin' to please myself,
I was caught up in his lust
When I don't really want no one else
So, no I know I should of treated you better
But me and you were meant to last forever

So let me in, give me another chance
To really be your girl
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn't know what to do

How, could I live with myself
Knowing that I let our love go
And when I do with one chance
I just gotta let you know
I know what I did wasn't clever
But me and you we're meant to be together


Boy, tell me whatcha said
I don't want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin'
Tell me, tell me whatcha said
I really need you in my life" -Jason Derulo

I hope your happy.

tell me that you love me,
tell me that you need me,
or tell me you don't want me
and turn around and leave me

doubts and dellusions

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe

Reality check.

i'v come to terms with my life atm that i have grown for the better and for worse, and along the way i have made many mistakes some that i will regret and some that have show me my own and others true colours.
I am also realising i am possibly not who i think i am, or am expreessing the way i feel to others correctly as i have gathered from those around me perceptions. Sometimes i wish i could watch my life over on a video and try to fast forward or rewind and even pause my life to try and pinpoint were i have
gone wrong. The absence of those special few in my life has been quite evident latley and has been bugging me more and more each day,realising that they have moved on without you is something i don't want to face right now and is making me into someone i don't want to be, someone who is frustrated at everything and everyone around them and is therfor straining my realtionships with those i have left. I have began to drift of somewhere else, somewhere on my own, a quiet place where i can hide away from my fears and worries. My lack of perception amuses me and i end up doing stupid and out of character things just to waste time and space.
I try to live in dreams, the light at the end of my tunnel is closing, and realty is becoming more unreachable for my mind to grasp, i don't know what i am so afraid of exposing, its most likely the same thing that got me here in the first place. god i sound emo.

Rehab.

After deciding that venting my feelings through myspace bullitins gained me some not so happy comments, i stopped a while ago. But atm i find myself on my own in Qld with alot of thoughts and nowhere to really express them, and after cotemplating it for a while i decided upon this, siging up to a blogger website.Why not? i'll give it a try and if it helps me get frustration and other emotions out then mayb it could be useful. So here i am you will have to forgive me if i am a little slow grasping on to some things but with time i will get better...this will be my way out. This will keep me sane.