Destination Unknown

Sometimes I feel as if I'm on the road to nowhere,

that's all I ever hear anymore anyway,

but I don't think that's true,

I'm just a little lost trying to find my way

my destination at the current time is unknown

but as they say...
"It's not about the destination it's about the journey."

Growing Up.

I guess we were just kids, and it was all just a game...
just meaningless fun and games.

Got Beef?

Since you have decided to publicize everything about your relationship and even bits of my life,

I thought it's time for me to do the same...

The Message: Stop trying to be something your not, your pathetic and immature, to think I was actually prepared to ignore you or if you even to talk to you one on one if you wanted and maybe answer each others questions. Do you not see how stupid and petty you looked shouting out and making silly noises at me, you sounded like a fucking chew toy and you just made yourself look worse, as they say it takes two to tango you daft bitch and I'm definitely not the one who you should be shouting at, and if you got your fucking facts straight I did try to look out for you in a way from the start, even if it's not my responsibility, and trust me I may not have said no but I definitely didn't go asking for it either after all I didn't put my dick into him did I... But We both know it's a bit more complicated then just that don't we. So don't come to a place where you don't even belong and try and ruin it for me, don't fucking even think about arching up to me unless you can do it without hiding behind your friend because you seemed a little bit more shy when you were on your own, and by the way your attempts at looking at me for my reactions as you were with him also were quite sad. You got what you want, You're still with him aren't you so why the fuck do you care what I think of what you two are doing, because I really couldn't give two shits, a part of me will more then likely always care about him yes, but weather I show it or not that is irrelevant, so enjoy it and stop worrying about me, enjoy him. He has told me alot of stuff that you probably wouldn't be to happy to hear and I don't doubt one bit that he has also told you stuff that i wouldn't be happy with either but if that's the kind of person he is, you can have him because I sure as hell don't want anything to do with him. I may have lost alot of my dignity along the way, but I will always have my pride...So with all do respect would you please kindly FUCK OFF! now.
Thank you and goodbye.

"Bleeding Love"

"Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy


You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
keep bleeding love

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believeI'll be wearing these scars 

For everyone to see

I don't care what they say!
But they don't know the truthMy heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing"

-Leona Lewis, Bleeding Love

The Comedown.

Lock the doors, Hide away, don't look at me,

leave me alone!!

Hands shaking, legs twitching,

head pounding, body cramping.

Attempts to sleep, mind wandering, calm down,

lay still, don't move, get your head straight.

Welcome to my fortress of solitude.

Out Of This World.

Ladies and Gentlemen we are floating in space.

Stick To Your Guns.

Disregard Authority. Oppose To Power. Disobey Orders. Have Attitude.

Challenge Those Who Challenge You.

Defy Those Who Defy you.
and most of all STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

DICKHEAD.

Why?

Sometimes the most perfect, beautiful things, that seem so right,

never get to happen,

not everything works out the way we want it to, not everything plays according to plan, sometimes there are just too many reason or barriers

preventing us from having what we want,

life just always seems to get in the way...

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together

unexpected things just happen we can't always fight it.

Realising and accepting that is the hardest part...

don't know me or my reasons.

DTF

I enjoy fucking shit up, making a ruckus, making a mess, marking my territory, leaving a memory, making a memory, As they say "You only live once" so why not enjoy it!! Dare to be different, no regret no sacrifice, after all playing by the rules is oh so boring, be naughty, be cheeky, break the rules, fuck what other people say and do your own thing...so lets make better mistakes tomorrow.

Close My Eyes.

Doesn't really matter who it is anymore,

I can never look them in the eye

for more than a split second,

so I close my eyes and pretend it's you...

then I open them

and realise there just another blank face to me.

I can't really be bothered for this whole attachment business

none the less there all the same

whether they come or go, doesn't really face me at the moment,

I'd rather leave my options open and my heart closed.

I'm not in it for anything

it's just meaningless fun... and a way to past the time

Date With The Night.

                                       Lets drown our sorrows

and party like there's no tomorrow!

HA HA HA!!!!

"Excuse me have you seen my Unicorn? "

"Ah...what?"

"MY UNICORN!! HAVE YOU SEEEN IT!"

Can't believe i actually came across this,

so glad i did!

Best memory, HTID here i come:)

J.C

"
It's more than just writing on the wall.
To me it's a way of expressing myself,

it's a way of releasing anger and emotion

without yelling, breaking things or throwing punches.

To me its art at it's rawest and... it helps.

"

What Happened

We have done this to each other,

We are Both guilty as charged,

We lost ourselves...lost "us" long ago and we are both partially to blame.

We are so stubborn!. We give in all the time! We use the same methods to escape.

We are both so contradicting.

I don't think we will ever get back to that place, that perfect place of ours...

that perfect place of clarity, serenity...happiness.

On the surface we both appear fine,

but we both know we are bruised and scared

beyond our own believes.

I don't know who you are anymore, i know the old you...

and i know he wouldn't have just stood by and watched this happen,

the old you believed his own words, his own mind, his thoughts,

he fought for it!

and when he said he cared he meant it!!

What happened...to us?

We are so completely and totally fucked up.

So lets just keep our heads down shall we?

and the circle is round....

Think Outside The Box.

"

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word

Fearless on my breath

gental impulsion
Shakes me

makes me lighter

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire of a confession

Teardrops on the fire
Fearless on my breath
Stumbling a little
"

Adventurous.

I never dreamed the sea so deep,
The earth so dark, so long my sleep,
I have become another child.
I wake to see the world go wild.

Tedious Tuesdays

Turn around and head in different directions. It's like we never knew each other at all...

we said what we feel, then we stop ourselves and just walk away ...

Back to 3am

I hate that my blogs are filled with thoughts of you. I hate knowing that no one will probably ever really know or understand. I hate that I'm in this alone. Listing to my sleep playlist obviously it isn't working , forgot about this song ...didn't help me forget about you though.

"Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soulWords that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right


You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on toIt hurts to want everything & nothing at the same timeI want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knewYou were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to "

-Michelle Branch

always up late.

Still lost. Still confused. Still waiting.

Waiting for the awnsers.

did you know?

that in that very moment...my heart sunk

and what i thought i knew, and what was so familar

left me silently numb with emptiness.